Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Suppressed frustration!

Couldnt make any entries in the last few days as classes have started and Naila was also here. We had around four dates and then she returned to Chittagong.
I just got back from classes and called her on my way to the prayer room. Her parents were talking about her marriage and her dad was considering the bio-data of some guy.
She thinks she can hold off the wedding till we graduate. But what is bothering is the fact, that I have seen a numerous times, that before the parents will the girl doesn't have much to say!
No this is a fact...its not like I dont trust her.Girls break down when pressurized and also when tempted.
She has already informed her youngest brother about me, who did not like the idea of her going out with some guy almost her own age and not even established.
You see, all these details frustrate me! Why? A few days back, Siragis got engaged and I got to see the pic. The guy seems so happy and so is Wissam in the US right now with his wife, Ishrat.
These guys were in my class. They did well but what happened to me? Well I guess the answer is quite simple. I screwed up pretty bad.
Yeah I know, things could have been worse but what can I say....I would have had only myself to blame even then. And its only my God...who has helped me out even through all of my fucking fuck-ups.
I have this gnawing feeling that in the end, things may not work out with Naila either.
I, have this feeling at times, that I was never supposed to be the family-man I had always dreamed of becoming.
I have to wait and see for my self I guess.